What is God's message to you?

You’ve been suddenly sucked into an RPG. What are your stats?

Cows.

• Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
• Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
• Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
• Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
• Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
• Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
• An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
• A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
• Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
• An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
• A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
• Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
• An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
• Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
• Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
• Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
• A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
• A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
• Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time travelling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
• Moffat & Gatiss: You have two cows. The cows are in love with each other, even though they are both the same gender, one is asexual, and the other keeps insisting it's straight. One of the cows fakes its own death to save the other. You and your neighbour die of feels.
• Supernatural: You have two cows. They are brothers. They are in love with each other, as well as with two angel cows. Then they all die.
• Matt Bellamy: You have two cows. You watch one get shot in the bollocks.
• Dominic Howard: You have two cows. You start to cry because cow print makes you look cheap.
• Chris Wolstenholme: You have two cows. Now you have two cows and 1,000,000 calves.
• Tom Kirk: You have two cows. You take pictures of them with instagram and make an irrelevant but true remark about Dominic Howard's sexuality.
• Morgan Nicholls: He has two dinosaurs because fuck you
• Homestuck: You have a cow. You spend weeks getting to know and love the cow. Then you're introduced to three more cows, who you also come to know and love. Then you get twelve more cows, and you think, hey, this is cool I guess, never can have too many cows, but all of a sudden everyone is interested in your cows and which cows should be having sexy funtimes with which other cows. Meanwhile the cow god has been indiscriminately killing and resurrecting all your cows until you're basically numb to it. Now everyone is fighting over your cows, and while that's going on you get four more cows, and then twelve more cows, and now you're swimming in cows and you don't know what to make of all these cows, and where are your original four cows, you can't find them under this mountain of cows, oh noooooo.
• Hanna is Not a Boy's Name: You have a cow. For a while, everything is good. Then the cow mysteriously vanishes without a trace.